


Where's the Love Without Remorse

by egirldallon



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Angst, Canon-Typical Violence, Case Fic, Crack Treated Seriously, Family, Family Fluff, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Gun Violence, Hospitalization, Husbands, M/M, Original Character(s)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-02
Updated: 2019-09-02
Packaged: 2020-10-05 09:43:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,809
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20486840
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/egirldallon/pseuds/egirldallon
Summary: Some secrets are purposely kept, for a reason, good reasons.





	Where's the Love Without Remorse

**Author's Note:**

> The title is from the song better. by Super Whatevr, one of my favorite artists! I really like married barisi lol.

＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊  


Rafael yawns, feeling the heavy arm of his husband laying on his waist, warmth exuding from his body. Rafael twists his body around, facing the gorgeous man in front of him. He runs a hand through Sonny's hair, kindly and softly. Sonny's lips part as he wakes up, eyes fluttering open to see his husband smiling and moving in to kiss him. Both surprised that they hadn't been woken up by their 5 year old son yet. 

Sonny grins, kissing him first. "Mornin' Rafi."

"Good morning Dominick." Rafael cuddles up closer to the taller man. 

Rafael breathes in the scent of his husband, kissing his shoulder softly. 

"I love you Mi Sol." 

"I love you too baby." 

They lay in silence, just enjoying each others warmth. Sonny's eyes shift to the analog clock sitting on their night stand. "Aw man, I gotta get ready for work. I'll make sure to check on Theo." 

"Hey, no, I've got it, go get ready for work." Rafael says, sitting up and grabbing his gold wedding band. 

"Thank you love," Sonny says, kissing Rafael quickly before getting up to shower.

＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊ 

Sonny tightens his tie quickly, walking into the kitchen to see Rafael and Theo eating breakfast, a simple meal of eggs, bacon and toast.

"Morning Theo!" He says excitedly, enclosing his son in a tight hug, and kissing him on the forehead.

"Good mornin' Daddy!" He shouts, hugging him back. 

"Did Papi make you breakfast sweet boy?"

"Yea! But he said you had to go to work without breakfast." Theo says, a bit disappointed. 

"Yea, I'm sorry Theo, but I'm gonna be home for dinner, I promise." 

"Okay Daddy, have a good day at work." 

Sonny's heart melts and he kisses his husband, wrapping an arm around him, and pulling him close. 

"Ring?"

Sonny pulls out a chain with a rose gold band hanging off of it, "Check." 

"Keys?" 

"Yes," he pats his ass, "right here." 

"Have a great day at work, I'll send you plenty of photos of Theo." 

"As I expected love." 

"Okay, stay safe, love you." Rafael kisses him quickly. 

"Have a nice day off Rafi. Goodbye Theo, be nice to your Papi." 

Theo gets up and asks Rafael to pick him up. Rafael kisses his sons cheek and leans over to let him kiss his father. 

＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊

It's been a taxing case, a child was found dead, her aunt being the last person to see her before she gave her to her daycare. The daycare claimed to never have seen her, the parents claimed they called the daycare and the girl wasn't there. 

"Hey Carisi, would ya go check out a witness, Delilah, the aunt, for me?" Amanda asks, handing him a file, bags heavy under her eyes, the case wearing on her more than she lets on. 

"You got it, text me if anything goes sideways," He says, almost walking out, before Liv walks out of her office. 

"Carisi, be careful would you?"

"Of course Lieu, I'll be right back." He smiles, which makes Liv smile a bit, she too, has found stress in this case. 

Sonny makes it to the witness' house, he knocks on the door saying "Detective Dominick Carisi, Manhattan SVU, I'm here to talk to you about your niece." 

The woman opens up the door, looking a bit shaken up, "Uh, come on in."

"Thank you, I just need to go over your statement one more time to make sure we got it all." 

Sonny steps into the house, looking around, not noticing that the woman locks her door. He clears his throat, pulling out his notepad and his pen, "So, you dropped off Emmy at daycare and then you came home, only to have your brother and sister in law to call you to tell you that she wasn't there?" 

Delilah nods, biting her lip nervously, "Yea, I told you guys this earlier." 

"But you see how that makes no sense, right? We need to know why you say that you dropped her off but she wasn't there. You see how this looks right?" 

Carisi feels the room's tension tighten and he can see Delilah shift uncomfortably. 

Delilah looks to the side, eyes tearing up. "Fine! I did it! I murdered her! She started crying and wouldn't shut up! And I shoved her, and she hit her head!" She's shouting this, face red and fists clenched. 

Sonny looks up, not at all surprised by the confession but surprised by her anger. "Hey, Delilah, you need to calm down, it's not gonna help anyone if you're gettin' angry." 

"Shut up! I'm gonna go to fucking prison!" Delilah reaches to her waistband and pulls out a gun. 

Sonny, while immediately drawing his weapon, can only think of why this escalated so quickly. Then, his mind, despite how much he didn't want to think about it, reminds him of the husband and son waiting for him at home, he takes a deep breath and tries to steady his shaking hands. 

"Delilah, you're pointing a gun at a cop, I don't havta tell you how stupid that is." He feels his voice shake, and his eyes water. 

"I got nothing to lose officer, and I'm bringing you down with me!" 

"Delilah, please, I got family at home, I got a son to go home to and-" 

"I don't think it occurred to you Detective Carisi, I don't care." She positions her finger on the trigger, going unnoticed by the shaking detective. 

He slips his finger to the trigger as well, his hand badly shaking, but before he could even shoot, Delilah delivers a bullet to his stomach. Sonny feels the bullet and his body hitting the ground, but all he can hear is ringing before everything goes black. 

＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊

When Rafael gets the call, he just finished up lunch with Theo and he's cleaning. 

"Mercy General Hospital calling for a Rafael Barba."

Rafael feels his heart drop, he looks over to his son and can only let out a "That's me." 

"Your husband has been rushed into the hospital with a GSW to the abdomen," 

Rafael feels tears stream down his face "I'll be right there." 

Rafael wipes away his tears and takes a shaky breath. 

"Nene, let's get dressed okay? We're gonna go visit Daddy." 

"Okay Papi!" 

Theo runs off into his bedroom and Rafael leans against a wall, letting himself cry a little bit more. He stops before Theo comes out, dressed and ready. Rafael gets his shoes quickly and puts them on, rushing to get out of the apartment. 

Rafael carries Theo in his arms, only setting him down in the Uber there. He arrives at the hospital to find the entire squad sitting in the waiting room. He sighs and strokes his sons cheek. Theo wraps his arms around his father and sets his head into his shoulder. Rafael smiles sadly and takes a deep breath of the medicinal scent of the hospital. They had kept their relationship a secret for so long, it felt so weird to have to just show up and come out, especially without Sonny. 

He walks into the waiting room, making all heads turn and eyes widen. 

"Barba?" Liv asks, standing up and walking towards him. 

"Hello Liv." He responds quietly, patting Theo's back, while he looks at the people around him. 

"What're you doing here?" 

Before Barba could open his mouth, a doctor walks up to the squad, clipboard in hand. 

He turns around quickly, facing the doctor. 

"I'm guessing you're Mr. Carisi's husband?" 

"That I am, what's the news?" Rafael ignores the looks and mutterings from the detectives. 

"Well, the gunshot wound didn't hit any major organs, so the surgery shouldn't be much longer. Obviously he's going to have to stay the night, more depending on his recovery, but it looks like he's out of the woods." 

Rafael lets out a breath he didn't know he was holding in and a few tears as well. 

Theo looks up at his father and wipes away the tears, "You okay Papi?" 

The squad, one again, gawks at the newly found information. 

"Si Querido, I'm just very happy."

"Okay, I love you." 

"I love you too." Rafael kisses Theo on his forehead. 

Rafael turns around and sits down in a seat. Liv sits next to Rafael, a multitude of questions running through her mind. 

"Rafa you nev-" 

"Please don't right now Liv, later, please." 

Liv can see the desperation in his eyes. "Okay."

Time passes and Theo has fallen asleep in Rafael's arms, by this time, the doctor told them that Sonny was out of surgery, yet he wasn't allowed visitors. 

Rafael felt himself nodding off before a doctor clearing his throat appeared in the doorway. "Mr. Carisi is awake now and ready for visitors." 

Rafael nudges Theo awake "Nene, we're going to go see Daddy okay?" 

"Daddy!" Theo sleepily exclaims. 

"Yea, he's gonna be so happy to see you." 

Rafael looks at the squad and nods before stepping out and walking to Sonny's room. He steps into the room, his husband's head moves up slowly, the drugs and surgery taking obvious tolls on him. 

"Rafi, Theo," tears start tracking down his pale face. 

"Dominick," Rafael stumbles forward and lets Theo go. "You worry me so much Corazon." 

"I'm sorry Rafi, I'm sorry Theo. You're Daddy's kinda stupid Theo. But I promise, you can eat dinner with me here." 

Theo, who's peaking over the side of the bed, smiles "Really!?" 

"Yea." Sonny smiles, ruffling his hair and the other hand wiping at his tears. 

Rafael grabs Sonny's hand and strokes it. "I'm so glad you're okay. I don't really know what I would do without you." He feels tears swell in his eyes. 

"Don't, I'm all right and I'm gonna be okay, and I'll be here. I'm not goin' anywhere." Sonny can just hear his voice shake and quiver. 

The ADA smiles and closes in for a kiss as Theo climbs into a chair. They kiss gently, like Rafael is afraid to hurt him. 

"Come on Rafael, you can kiss me better than that." 

"Didn't want to hurt yo-"

"Don't worry about it. Just kiss me dummy." 

He smiles and sets a hand on his cheek, pulling Sonny into a kiss. Sonny leans into the kiss as much as he can, setting a hand on Rafael's arm. 

"Hey Cari-" Amanda stops in her tracks, taking a few steps back, clutching onto the stuffed bear she has in her arms. 

Rafael straightens himself up and laces his hand into his husband's. 

"Hey 'Manda." Carisi smiles, waving her in, unwittingly letting the rest of the squad in. 

Rafael sighs and turns to his son, to pick him up. 

"Theo, I want you to meet your Aunt Amanda, Aunt Liv and Uncle Fin." Sonny says smiling, giving them all a look. 

"'Manda, Lieu, Sarg, this is our son Theo." 

Rafael smiles, letting Theo say hello to his new friends. 

Amanda occupies Theo as Liv walks up to the two men to grill them about their relationship. 

"So, married? Carisi, what in the world?" 

"Before you hold only judgement Liv, we had disclosed to 1PP and the DA's office. We just hadn't disclosed personally to you." Rafael says, quite quickly and sharply. 

Liv blinks and mulls the information over. "Well okay, just tell me how long." 

Amanda raises an eyebrow and listens in. 

"Uh, together 7 years, married 4." Sonny says, stroking Rafael's hand. 

"7 years?!" Amanda nearly shouts, standing up from the kneeling position she was in while talking to Theo. 

"Yes," Rafael cuts in, glaring at the detective. 

Fin, who was quietly standing in the pipes up with a "Not to mention, you got a kid." 

"Yes, we do, and he's an angel," Carisi grins "Hey Baby, wanna come on my bed?" He saw Theo getting bored and fidgety. 

Theo nods furiously and Rafael picks him up and sets him at the foot of the bed. "Be careful Amor, Daddy's hurt." He kisses his head. 

"This freakin' anyone else out or just me?" Fin asks, eyebrows furrowed. 

"Oh no yea, totally." Amanda agrees, nodding. 

"Mhm." Liv thirds, crossing her arms. 

"Y'all wanna tell us why you kept this from us?" Rollins asks, tilting her head. 

"We just didn't wanna tell, we wanted to keep our personal lives, ya know, personal. I met Rafael before I met you guys, I was protecting him and later Theo from the enemies I make with my job." Carisi explains, setting a hand on his bandaged stomach, flinching. 

Rafael notices the flinching and kisses him on the hand before ushering everyone out. 

"I'll get the doctor. I'll be right back. Theo, be good and nice to your Daddy." 

Sonny watches as his husband leaves, he shifts in his bed, groaning in pain. 

Theo looks on in confusion. "You okay Daddy?" 

"Yea Baby, I'm just hurtin' is all. Papi's gonna go the doctor for me, then I'm gonna take some medicine, and I'll stop hurting." 

Theo nods in understanding and he lays down, cuddling onto his leg, eventually falling asleep as Rafael comes back in. 

He smiles at his son before grabbing Sonny's belongings bag. 

"He's the cutest lil' thing."

"Indeed he is." Rafael strokes Sonny's cheek.

Barba, sets the bag on the bed and yanks out the chain and band. He takes the ring off the gold chain and slips it on the youngers finger. 

"The doctor should be in right now. He had to deal with another patient." 

"Thank you Love."

"Of course Mi Vida."

Eventually the doctor came in to administer pain medicine, which made him quite loopy after a few minutes. 

"Ya think they're mad Rafi?" 

"They have no right to be mad Mi Sol. It's our life and our son, we have a right to go about telling them about it how we please."

Sonny giggles a bit and smiles "You're right Baby," he pauses for quite a bit "How'd they find me?" 

Rafael looks at him, his eyes read a lot of hurt and pain. "A neighbor heard the gunshot and called it in. Delilah ran. We've got her though." 

"Good, I'm glad." Sonny grins, content. 

There's a deep, peaceful pause "I'm sleepy Raf."

"Then go to sleep you idiot." He responds lightly, laughing quietly. 

"Night night, love you." He smiles, kissing his hand. 

"Goodnight Amor."

＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊

Sonny blinks awake and turns over to see Rafael tickling Theo, making him giggle uncontrollably. 

"Hey you two." His voice is quiet and sleepy. 

"Daddy you're awake! Guess what!?"

"What sweet boy?" 

"Papi says it's dinner time!" 

Sonny looks at the dinner tray in front of him. 

"Yea, I guess it is." 

"Let's go get you some dinner to bring back here." Rafael takes Theo out of the room, smiling at Sonny. 

Amanda watches as Rafael leaves the room, taking this as her chance to interrogate Sonny. 

"Carisi, what the fuck?" 

Carisi looks up from his hands and arches an eyebrow. 

"What do you even mean Rollins?"

"All of this has been a secret, you never told any of this to me. Do you understand how I'm feeling?" 

Sonny crosses his arms, blinking once in frustration. 

"You've been together for 7 years and never told us." 

"Amanda, this isn't about you," This silences her, "I just got shot, I had to out myself, I also had ta out my personal life. I kept this all a secret for a reason, I wanted ta keep them safe from everything about bein' a cop. This isn't about how ya feel, despite how ya may feel about my life, this ain't about ya." His accent thickens with his frustration. 

She looks down, in shame, maybe embarrassment or defeat. "But-"

Sonny looks over to door where Rafael and Theo were waiting. "Now I'd love if you would leave. I'm gonna try to have a peaceful dinner with my husband and my son, please just leave." 

"Dominick what-" Rafael begins, walking towards the bed. 

"It's nothing Rafi, let's just eat dinner. I remember promising my son just that." He shoots a glare at Amanda and she turns to leave. 

"What's wrong now?"

"She acted like it was her business, my personal life isn't her business."

"She'll get over herself eventually." 

Sonny nods grabbing his utensils, as Rafael sets Theo onto the bed. 

Barba sits at the side of the bed, hand in hand with his husband. 

"I love you so much." Rafael sighs out, setting his head on the youngers hand. 

"I love you too Raf and you too sweet boy." 

Theo looks up, smiling a great big smile. "I love ya too Daddy!" 

Rafael's heart absolutely melted away and he smiles, so happy and proud to have such a perfect family.

**Author's Note:**

> I wanna do maybe a part two so I'll see how I'm feelin about it! 
> 
> Twitter: adasonnycarisi  
Wattpad: peachtracie


End file.
